you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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