she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
