Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
