He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
