After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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