There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
