He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
