Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When are your genitals available?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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