o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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