no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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