chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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