i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
