So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
