im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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