The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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