so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
