Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
