It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Im part way to drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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