every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
