I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
