My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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