the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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