The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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