Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
