we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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