with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
