My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
