what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
