something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
