The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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