dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
