there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
