but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
