im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
