i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm getting married
To pizza
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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