That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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