I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
