So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
