i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
