...so i touched it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
