your parents love me but you hate me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
