Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
