He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
