i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
