so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
