just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
