if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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