I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
