I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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