Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
