Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
