$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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