it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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