Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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