My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
