i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the day after is always just damage control
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize