And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
