Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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