We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
