I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
