Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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