I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
