I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize