from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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