that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
