***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
