you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
