I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
