isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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